My Afterglow Moment: Be Whoever You Want To Be

Nehal reminisces on her life-changing experience at Harry Styles’ Austin concert and the positive life advice the show taught her.

My Afterglow Moment is a series where staff writers and editors share their favorite music-related memories.

Written by Nehal Kamel

Photo courtesy of onedirectiongallery.org

It was my first year in college, the first time I’d ever been so far away from my family. My freshman year was full of firsts. The first time I had to really put an effort into making friends, something that never came easily to me. The first time I struggled with the idea that maybe I wasn’t smart enough, or good enough, for dreams that seemed just a bit bigger than me. When October hit, I found it extremely hard to keep my head above all of these firsts; it felt as if they were drowning me.

The only escape I had was my music and the people behind it. So Harry Styles coming to Austin seemed like a breath of fresh air; he had been such a large part of my life and passions up until that moment. The mere idea of seeing him without a screen between us felt surreal, like I’d been holding my breath for years, and I’d finally get to let go. If only I could find a ticket in time.

The night before the concert, October 10, my roommate and I sat refreshing our Twitter feeds in hopes for a cheap ticket. They were selling in seconds, and I thought I wasn’t going to find one. But then, miraculously, I did. I was scared of going alone. But this was Harry Styles, my Harry Styles, and I needed to see him — I just couldn’t pass this opportunity up.

Waiting in line was an experience on its own. I talked with the people in line and we all shared the same feeling: disbelief. For some reason, it was surreal to us that we were about to see someone we all cared for so deeply. It felt like everything had been building up to that moment, and now that it finally arrived, we didn’t know how to act. We didn’t know how to feel.

There are no words to describe how I felt when he came onstage. Everything seemed to blur because the person who unknowingly changed my life for the better was standing just a few feet away, tuning his guitar and glancing around as if he had a reason to be nervous. My heart slowed down and I said, “Is that Harry?” The girls next to me giggled, but it felt surreal to me. I met my best friend through him. I found my love for writing through him. He changed my life.

I remember vividly the jokes and jabs he threw at the crowd. I remember the songs and how he danced. But most importantly, I remember his words.

“Be whoever you want to be in this room.” Harry laughed and joked, “You won’t see these people tomorrow, so come with me.”

I always lived in a hypersensitive bubble where it felt so hard to just let go! So I gave myself those two hours to do as he said, to be who I wanted to be. I pushed away my anxiety and screamed the lyrics with him. I jumped and laughed with people I didn’t know. I waved to him as he talked to the abnormally tall man next to me.

Then “Sign Of The Times” started, and I couldn’t breathe. I had never felt so overwhelmed by words I’d heard so many times before. I remembered all the work I had to do and how I spent my days holed up in my dorm because I was alone. I realized how sad I was, and I let myself cry as he sang for me. A girl saw how I had moved to the back and stood, singing while pathetically sobbing my “thank yous” and “I love yous” as if he could hear me. She walked up and gave me some water, standing by me until he finished his final song. I don’t know her name, but I’ll never forget that moment.

My Afterglow Moment was when I realized I had never danced like that before. I was 100 percent myself at that concert without any anxieties or worries. I let myself be sad and happy. I realized that while all he did was say a few words he says everywhere, he said them not knowing how much I needed to hear them. After that night, every time I felt restrained or anxious I would remember what Harry said — that I should “be whoever I wanted to be.” When I did that I could breathe, have fun, and find good people. Of course, I had heard those words countless times from many people. But I needed that concert, that environment, and someone who I cared for so deeply to say them into a microphone so I could finally let myself be.

The feeling I had then is one I don’t want to ever lose.

So when I feel like I might be moving backwards, I remember October 11, what Harry said to me, and how I felt.

I remember that I owe it to myself to have the time of my life all the time.

Most importantly, I remember that I should be whoever I want to be in this world.