A Baritone’s Karaoke Considerations
Written by Matt Iannelli
Photo courtesy of Sound of Consequence
I’ve said this time and time again: guys don’t know how to act on stage. It’s like the attention we’re starved for finally arrives, and we suddenly lose all control of our basic motor functions. I took the time this summer to explore the art of karaoke, a performance medium preferred among college students due to its affordability and compatibility with binge drinking. Additionally, I am sure some science somewhere has proven a direct link between karaoke star power and the chances of falling in love. To put it delicately: this is important work.
As a baritone, I realize that the odds will always be against me in the karaoke room. Half of my brain will tell me what the crowd wants to hear — unfailingly a song out of my vocal range — and the other half tells me to go for it. Through my experiences, I’ve begun to find out what works, what bombs, and what signals to the room that you’re ready to be a star.
Fellow baritones, read on. Here are five songs I guarantee will impress your friends, your loved ones, and most important of all — yourself.
"Happiness is a Warm Gun" - The Beatles
You might have assumed my first suggestion would be easy. Heck, you might have even thought this entire process would be one walk in the park for you. But, no — karaoke is not for the faint of heart. It requires discipline and skill, but, when mastered, will project you into the full self-actualization Maslow can only dream of. I’m sure that’s what John Lennon had in mind with this tune. Consider this the intellectually rich person’s “Bohemian Rhapsody.” You have about three uniquely sublime portions of the song: that’s three chances to impress the crowd. Don’t mess it up!
Photo courtesy of Getty Images
"Dreams" - Fleetwood Mac
You’re sipping on a cider and the rain is falling down. You’ve had a beat in your heart and a twitch in your leg for the entire night. Something's got to give! Fortunately, there’s a sultry gem tailored for just this moment. Pick this one when you’re feeling moody, but in a sensual type of way. Players may only love you when they’re playing, but the audience is going to love you right away.
"Closer" - Nine Inch Nails
Opt for this tune whenever you’re wearing a long-sleeve linen button down. It’ll help you get into the seductive, lothario type state of mind that’s needed when singing words like “Help me, it’s your sex I can smell.” Make sure you’re comfortable with everyone in the room hearing just how turned on you are before taking this on (nothing wrong with a healthy libido).
"Ride" - Lana Del Rey
This is a perfect song should be reserved for perfect nights. Maybe your entourage is drinking wine straight from the bottle. Maybe Mercury’s orbit is being cooperative. Maybe, just maybe, you introduced your friends to a potential significant other and they LOVE them! Let the room know that you’re in love with the idea of love. Let them know you care.
Photo courtesy of Joe Giron; NPR
"Heart-Shaped Box" - Nirvana
Don’t even think about putting this on unless you’re ready to bring down the room. Here are the instructions. Follow them to a T.
- Start with the mic on the stand and a solemn look toward the audience.
- Sing “she eyes me like a Pisces when I am weak…”
- Right before the chorus hits, take the mic off the stand.
- “Hey!!! Wait!! I’ve got a new complaint!”
- Leg kicks and fist punches in the air. You’re on fire!
- Lose your voice.
You now have all the tools you need to make your next karaoke night all about you. Seize the moment, find your light, and never give up the mic.