Let’s Talk About Sex: Queer Code in Music

For the past century, LGBTQ+ musicians have expressed their sexual and romantic experiences through their work. Listeners today reference the music of their favorite LGBTQ+ artists to find community online and figure out if their social media crushes swing the same way they do.

In the series Let’s Talk About Sex, writers talk about sex. And music.

Written by Heather Stewart

Illustrated by Darrina Green

Many aspects tie into the steady liberation of the LGBTQ+ community. With its ability to reach people anywhere and anytime, music is something that is sewed into the fabrics of so many queer lives. It wasn’t until 2015 that the United States legally recognized same-sex marriages, but gay, lesbian, pansexual, and bisexual artists have been bravely expressing their sexual identities through their work long before this monumental event in American history. Queer-coded music is a hybrid made up of songs that weren’t originally meant to be about the queer experience but have transformed into gay anthems, as well as songs written and performed by queer artists that are intended to express their personal experiences with love and sex. Throughout history, women-loving-women and non-binary lesbians have used queer-coded music as a tool for expression, flirtation, and liberation.

In 2020, the epitome of queer code is a question that has been spotted throughout the comments on the so-called “gay” side of TikTok: Do you listen to Girl in Red? While this trend has grown pretty mainstream, some may have recently received this comment on one of their posts and are unsure what it means. For reference, Marie Ulven Ringheim, better know as the queer Norwegian singer-songwriter girl in red, has slowly grown in popularity among women-loving-women and non-binary lesbians since the release of her first single, “i wanna be your girlfriend,” in 2018. Her music gives a glimpse into what it’s like to struggle with, discover, and embrace one's sexuality. Asking someone if they listen to her music is essentially inquiring if they’re sexually or romantically attracted to women. It’s a unique and subtle way to “shoot your shot” without being too direct. In the modern age of online dating apps and sliding into social media DMs, queer women and non-binary individuals have found a way to transform what’s in their music queues into virtual flirtation.

Girl in red’s lyrics hold many references to both romantic and sexual experiences as a queer woman. The song “we fell in love in october” is a heartfelt piece about falling in love, while “bad idea!” is about a regrettable hook up. For those going through a break up, “forget her” is the perfect song to listen to while processing heartbreak. Out of all of girl in red’s discography, the lyrics of the song “girls” are the most reflective of the coming out experience:

“I know what I like
No, this is not a phase
Or a coming of age
This will never change.”

This song consists of a lot the questions and concerns that women face when confronting their same-sex attraction, such as the burden of keeping it a secret, fear of what people will say, the feeling of being inherently wrong or dirty due to the stigma around being gay, and not understanding why who you love or are attracted to are such big issues when these aren’t a choice. These four lines of “girls” are significant because they contrast the confusion and longing that is prevalent throughout most of the song. This lyrical declaration parallels the self-embrace that queer women come to when they finally feel comfortable in expressing their sexuality.

The girl in red question appears to be another fleeting, surface-level internet trend at first glance. However, this social media sensation holds a lot more meaning. Not only does it play a role in creating a digital environment where queer women and non-binary individuals can comfortably express their sexualities, but it also feeds into the larger importance of LGBTQ+ representation in media. Artists such as Hayley Kiyoko (commonly referred to as as “Lesbian Jesus” by her fans), Kehlani, Dodie, and Marika Hackman are also creating legacies as modern queer women in the music industry. Their lyrics such as “girls like girls like boys do,” from Kiyoko’s “Girls Like Girls,” and “am I allowed to look at her like that / could it be wrong / when she’s just so nice to look at” from Dodie’s “She” have made it into the hearts and playlists of countless young women discovering and celebrating their sexualities.

Having lyrics to relate to as a queer individual can make the coming out process a lot less grueling. For many LGBTQ+ individuals, music serves as a tool for self-expression and emotional support. This is why songs such as “Vogue” by Madonna and “True Colors” by Cyndi Lauper are accredited as gay anthems despite the artists not being a part of the LGBTQ+ community. At the height of the AIDS crisis, Gloria Gaynor’s “I Will Surive” paid homage to the tenacity of gay men as they faced discrimination and tragedy. Today, as more LGBTQ+ artists are transparent about their experiences in their music, gay and trans individuals don’t have to be as creative when relating lyrics to their life. While it’s fun to use ally Diana Ross’ “I’m Coming Out” to celebrate the gay experience, it’s nice to have access to music artists who have experienced being queer first hand.

This isn’t to say that there hasn’t been any prominent queer women in music before today. One of the earliest women speculated to be queer was “the Mother of the Blues,” Ma Rainey. As a Black woman living in the 1920s, her lyrics were subtle when it came to sexual expression. In Ma Rainey’s song “Prove It on Me Blues,” she sings, “Went out last night with a crowd of my friends / They must’ve been women / ‘Cause I don’t like no men.” However discreet they were, these may be some of the earliest queer-coded lyrics written by a woman in American music history. Ma Rainey’s work is already revered for being an integral part of blues music, but she also bravely pioneered the way for queer women in the music industry as a whole. While she was already a victim to racial and gender discrimination in America, she risked experiencing further intolerance from the public by being authentic about her sexuality in her music. She wasn’t alone in this, though. Willie Mae “Big Mama” Thornton and Bessie Smith are a few other courageous women of color that played a vital role in the earliest days of queer visibility in music.

In the ‘80s and ‘90s, Melissa Etheridge was an artist that women-loving-women could relate and look to for inspiration. Etheridge made the courageous decision to come out as a lesbian in January 1993. In an interview with the New York Post in 2019, she reflected on this time, saying it was a “‘relief” to come out prior to the release of her album “Yes I Am.” She further explained, “The songs [“I’m the Only One” and “Come to My Window”] were born of a love of another woman. Knowing that I was coming out and was going to represent as a big lesbian, I was hoping they would just help … People tell me they still do, 25 years later, so that means a whole lot.” Etheridge’s single, “Come to My Window,” holds some beautiful lyrics in reference to falling in love with another woman: "I don't care what they think / I don't care what they say / What do they know about this love." By being open to the public about her sexuality and relationships with women, her life is a testament to these words.

While the LGBTQ+ community was still facing discrimination during the time of Etheridge’s popularity, it was thanks to muscians like her who were candid about their sexual orientation that queer love is more normalized in the media today. Other women-loving-women musicians popular during this time include the Indigo Girls, k.d. lang, Kathleen Hanna, and Joan Jett.

In the early 2000s, Tegan and Sara’s music was a part of many queer women’s lives. Sara Quin reflected on what it was like growing up in the ‘90s and coming to terms with her lesbian identity in an interview with AnOther magazine in 2019. When asked about the process of writing her and her twin sister’s memoir, “High School,” and having to dig up how she used to view her queerness, Quin talked about her struggles with internalized homophobia and how the lack of quality queer representation in the media played into that. She went on to note, “as a young person in my twenties, I learned about queer history and Aids and Act Up and all these inspiring… people… So when I went back to looking at high school, I was like, ‘...what would it have meant to to have had that knowledge as an adolescent? Maybe I wouldn’t have felt so ashamed or so alone.’” Tegan and Sara became what they lacked in their adolescence — positive queer representation in the media. With upbeat indie pop hits like “Walking with a Ghost,” “Back in Your Head,” and “Where Does the Good Go,” the duo defined mainstream women-loving-women music alongside t.A.T.u., Brandie Carlile, and Lady Gaga.

Photo courtesy of Aesthetic Magazine Toronto

This timeline of queer women musicians authentically expressing their sexualities paints a picture of what it looks like when one’s brevity and vulnerability dominos into a united, beautiful, and diverse social movement. The effects of earlier artists who were honest about their sexualities in their music are still prevalent in today’s society. The number of queer women and LGBTQ+ artists in the music industry continues to grow. Creative expression is freedom, and queer individuals are finally getting a taste of the result of this freedom — authentic, mainstream music and media that reflects the real and human queer experience. Queer-coded music is more obvious than ever and reflects how different sexualities are being more widely accepted and celebrated.

To any women-loving-women, try something new by asking your crush if they fall asleep listening to one of Melissa Etheridge’s soft love ballads or Ma Rainey’s rebellious jazz to get some insight. Go for something more modern by asking if they listen to girl in red or Tegan and Sara. The wide array of music released by queer women available today allows for women-loving-women to not only create extensive romantic playlists but also to freely explore and express their sexualities through the medium of music.

ANALYSISAfterglow ATXOctober 5, 2020