Playlist: A Breakup Mixtape for When You Initiate the Split
Without the right music after a break-up, you can’t survive. There are breakup playlists for those who are dumped, but what about music for the ones who did the breaking up?
Written By Redding Mickler
Illustrated by Nevika Chatterjee
At the end of my first relationship, I was the one who did the breaking up. My cheesy ass needed a longtime friend to help me get through the tough times. Music is always there for me; it helps me interpret my life and makes me feel as though I’m living in a movie. I realized soon after that most of the post-break-up music out there was for the people who had been dumped. Those classic songs sung by an irate Taylor Swift, roasting an ex who hurt her — I was the bad guy in her songs. I tried looking up break-up playlists on Spotify and immediately regretted it. Just a few of the disparaging songs that came up on my search were “i hate u, i love u” by gnash, “Someone Like You” by Adele, “Gives You Hell” by The All-American Rejects, and “Picture to Burn” by Taylor Swift. Excuse me, but… what? All of those songs portrayed me as the villain, but I was sad too!
As I lay in bed feeling awful because every break-up consolation song was condemning me, I was saddened by how few songs there were for people who did the healthy, mature thing that needed to be done. On top of that, I was annoyed by how negative the songs were: all promoting being sad, or worse, hating the other person. I didn’t want to feel either of those things. I had no bad-blood against my ex, and saw no reason to dwell on the sadness or miss him any longer than I had to.
Armed with a greater purpose, I decided to find songs that would help me feel better and, hopefully, help me move on with time. My criteria for songs was as follows: first, they’d have to be uplifting in a way that makes me feel confident in my decision and proud of myself. Second, they’d have to be nice to my ex and not tear him down in an effort to build me up. Third, they’d have to be a catchy tune that I’d be okay with listening to on repeat for three weeks straight (because, after all, this was going to be the soundtrack to my recovery). Fourth, the songs shouldn’t make me cry, as wallowing was not the point of this playlist, and fifth, the songs had to be light, meaning that I could laugh at myself while feeling the power of the music at the same time.
I appropriately named the playlist “Growth Mix-Tape Aug. 2020” in a sentimental ode to “Love is a Mixtape” by Rob Sheffield. The first song was a no brainer; “Non, Je Ne Regrette Rien” by Edith Piaf. This song has been my longtime ‘bad b-tch’ song that hypes me up and connects me to my old soul. Piaf sings about how she regrets nothing:
Mes chagrins, mes plaisirs
je n'ai plus besoin d'eux
Balayés les amours
et tout leurs tremolos
[My pains, my pleasures
I don't need them anymore
I'm done with the loves
and all their troubles]
Her point-of-view on the song is so empowering; she doesn’t care about the past. Neither the good nor the bad bother her anymore, it’s all the same.
The next notable mention is “Don’t Wanna Be Your Girl” by Wet. I found it on a breakup playlist, and the title spoke to me. The song is about a girl in a relationship with someone who just isn’t bringing out the best in her. She wants to leave him, but part of her still loves him and wants to be with him. The calming music and Wet’s somber voice made this song sound perfect to me. I related to the lyrics so much and felt cold, just like the song did. Her main line, “I don't wanna be your girl no more / no more,” got me through the first few days, and repeating the mantra gave me reassurance that other people have felt the same way I did.
One song that brought joy, strength, and hope to my situation was “It Ain’t Me Babe” by Johnny Cash and his wife, June Carter Cash. Johnny and June sing a simple tune, but one that made me feel so authentic and carefree. Originally a Bob Dylan song, the Cash’s version is more direct. Johnny makes it decidedly clear: he gives no f-cks. The song narrates someone telling another person that they just aren’t right for them. The narrator sings to the subject, “I'm not the one you want, babe / I'm not the one you need.” I felt that; the person my ex wants is not me, and I couldn’t give them what they needed. The vibe is light, just as my criteria dictated, simply telling the person to look for love somewhere else. “I’m not the one you want babe!” was exactly how I felt.
Other songs ranged from “No Me Queda Mas” by Selena which translates to “There’s Nothing Left,” to the early 2000s classic, “Lonely” by Akon, which was a recommendation from a friend who said it got him through his break-up. His choice was… questionable. Nevertheless, Akon’s voice combined with the all-too hilarious fact that these sad lyrics got my friend through his break-up, made this song a top play. After adding “Landslide” by the Chicks (a classic break-up song) and” One of US” by ABBA, I finished up with songs that would just make me feel happy. “BOP” by DaBaby got me dancing whenever I felt the need to. “Piel Canela,” a beautiful and whimsical tune by Eydie Gorme, made me feel like I was in Brazil in the ‘60s (which is always a good thing). And finally, the must-have, “Here You Come Again” by Dolly Parton — just to feel a little tinge of the hurt inside of me.
I can’t tell you why break-up songs are scarce for the people suffering on my end. My best conclusion is that if you’re getting dumped, you are likely more inclined to express your sadness and anger in a song. It’s a way to have the last word, to let the ex know how much they hurt you. After all, sadness sells. Don’t get me wrong, “Last Kiss” by Taylor Swift is totally on this playlist, and if I sit and listen to the lyrics and reminisce on my relationship with my ex, I’ll still cry. I don’t do that often though, I prefer to skip it and listen to “Midnight Sky” by Miley Cyrus, embodying the line: “I was born to run / I don’t belong to anyone”. I’d recommend this playlist regardless of what side of the break up you’re on, because they’ll build you up in a healthy way, help you appreciate the past, and maybe even mend your broken heart.