From Me, With Love: The Playlist I Want Someone to Make Me
Money can’t buy you love, but maybe music can make the silence a little less lonely.
Written and illustrated by Emma Tanner
So, here’s the thing: I’ve never been in a relationship. Sure, there have been the “we’re talking” scenarios, the mutual interest that never quite goes anywhere, the innocent crushes, the long-distance situationships, and even a little swing set romance way back when I thought “spicy” was the proper word to describe the tingle of my mom’s mint gum.
There have definitely been a fair share of friendzones thrown in the mix, too. More often my doing than others’, admittedly, through which I have learned that I’m actually pretty picky when it comes to this whole issue of dating.
And, yet, not a single ‘we’re-officially-boyfriend-and-girlfriend-because-you’re-just -that-cool-and-I-like-you-just-that-much’ has ever materialized. Sad!
Except, not really. I’m fully happy being single (yes, actually). I love being able to explore my own interests, focus on how I can be a better friend, a better writer, a better whatever else I can think of, and learn to actually, truly, like myself. Singleness is actually really cool and fun. Maybe I’m just used to it because I’ve never had anything else, but — for what it’s worth — I’m happy being single. Or at least content.
But there is one thing that sucks the absolute most about this whole single thing, one desire of my poor, lonely heart full of not-yet-requited love: I really just want … a playlist.
In my life, there are three love languages: deep talks, extra-toasty Cheez-Its, and music. And in my mind, someone taking the time to curate all the songs that remind them of you or that they think you would like is a really beautiful, thoughtful, and overwhelmingly loving thing to do. It goes deeper than if it’s “just a cool song,” but takes a level of reflection, observation, and closeness to know someone in that way.
Innately, music is a paradox. Just as it connects a million people, it is a deeply personal experience driven by an individual’s sense of self. Identity is found in the chords of your favorite song — in that one line from that one track that you just always find yourself coming back to. The exact feeling music gives you is something only you can truly feel as you feel it. No one is the same, no one feels the same, and yet we all feel that really special something — and that is exactly what makes music so freaking COOL.
In this sense, music is a part of who everyone is at their core. It's about how we feel and how we love and who we are. By loving someone’s music taste or making a playlist that you think they would love, you’re seeking out and loving the vulnerable little part of that person that only music can reach.
And when you add romance to the equation? You mean to say you’re cute and I wanna kiss your face and you made me a playlist with some dope jams? That is just too tender for my cold, little heart.
But, here is where we run into our problem. I am single. Read: no boyfriend, no romance, no loving vulnerable little parts, no playlists. Period. The End. But, just as single as I am, I am equally as impatient, if not more so. And I’m tired of waiting.
So, I made myself a playlist. Sure, it might be skipping a few crucial steps and defeating the entire purpose in the process, but hey, all's well that ends well, and I ended up with a playlist, so ends well it does.
In short, I want to be my own musical prince charming because … well, why not? It doesn’t look like anyone is going to hop on the job anytime soon.
I also made this for my (fingers crossed) future boyfriend (If you’re reading this, ahahha hi omg aha ha) to give him some ~inspo~ for his own playlist, and also to warn him that if I see “1,2,3,4” by the Plain White T’s or “You’re Beautiful” by James Blunt anywhere on his playlist I just might break up with him, no joke.
But, as the best not-yet-girlfriend ever, I won’t leave him struggling to figure it all out on his own. Here are some of the essential tracks in my playlist — those select few that found themselves lodged in that vulnerable part of myself and managed to stick around for a while
1. “Make Out in My Car” - Sufjan Stevens Version by Moses Sumney
This is the kind of song that you can really feel. The simplified beauty of the track perfectly aligns with its charmingly innocent message; it’s about new love, new feelings, and figuring it all out as we go. “I’m not trying to / go to bed with you / I just wanna make out in my car” captures the nervous excitement that comes with the newness of intimacy and the deeply-rooted understanding that real love doesn’t come with expectations.
Stevens appreciates the beauty of the getting-to-know-each-other phase and communicates that affection can be sweet and innocent and young while still being totally valid. The lyrics, “and though I’m dying to / fall in love with you / I just wanna make out in my car” call out the importance of the “relation” part of relationship, making it obvious that it’s a two person game, and that understanding what your partner is ready for and is comfortable with is an integral part of truly loving them.
2. “Be My Own” by Del Water Gap
If I have showed you this song … dude. You’re SO IN. This track is one that grabs hold of you from the very beginning and just never lets go. Holden Jaffe, the name behind the Del Water Gap project, has a way of writing lyrics that somehow manage to artfully put into words those feelings that we didn’t even realize we’ve felt but that have always been there. The rawness and realness of the song’s portrayal of love is so deeply intimate and sincere that sharing it with someone feels comparable to baring your soul to them. It’s the kind of music that fills the silence when you know there’s something you want to say but just can’t find the adequate words to say it. “Could’ve lived but I chose to love you instead” is a lyric that hits deep and hits hard, and shows that love is about a part of you dying just as much as it is about making you feel so extraordinarily alive.
3. “Fallingforyou” by The 1975
In this track, The 1975 somehow manages to perfectly capture the innocence and vulnerability of the overwhelming feeling of being totally, recklessly, and unabashedly in love. It’s also major heart eyes. By recounting the story of a teenager first experiencing the beauty of affection while simultaneously learning about how “unrequited” actually feels, this song conveys just how crushing love can be. And by doing so, it manages to portray the twisted beauty of loving someone so much that they have the power to really, undoubtedly, fully wreck you. Falling in love is a lot like that. Letting yourself love someone is hard, and it’s often really scary. I get that falling and being in love can’t be all rainbows and butterflies, and I don’t want it to be. Because just like “Fallingforyou” says, if love isn’t hard — and maybe even a little scary — is it really worth it?
4.“Drive” by The Cars
When I was sixteen and exploring all the beautiful freedoms that come with finally being able to drive, the consistent soundtrack to my naive, not-so-rebellious teenage years was the entirety of the 2002 album Melt By Rascal Flatts and The Cars’ Greatest Hits. During that time, there was nowhere I felt more safe and more calm than driving around the streets of my neighborhood playing “Drive” (track 12) over and over again until either I got sick of it for the night or my mom texted me telling me it was time to come home. That was my space to reflect, to think, and to just sit with the music that somehow made the noise of high school and all of its crap a little less loud.
5. “I’m Glad There Is You” by Julie London
Sweet, cute, and speaks for itself. A classic love song that everyone from Ella Fitzgerald to Frank Sinatra has put their own spin on, London’s version carries a saccharine tenderness that stands alone in its sincerity. This track is about finding your “person” — the one who seems to make all the bad of the world worth dealing with because they’re just that good. It’s about true connection, loving appreciation, and that sweet, sweet sense of security that comes with a committed relationship. The lyrics, “in this world, where very many play at love / and hardly any stay in love / I’m glad there is you” convey the immense value of love that stems from its rarity, and how much of a gift it is to find that in a world filled with convincing falsehoods.
So, here it is. The one. The playlist. The epitome of modern love and cute sh-t. And I don’t really have anyone to share it with — and that is ok.
For now, I’ll have the songs. Maybe later, I’ll have the boy. But I’ll always have me … and extra-toasty Cheez-Its.