Ballad Breakdown: No Other Song Could Have Closed Fiona Apple’s ‘When the Pawn…’
Fiona Apple tears her listeners apart one last time with “I Know,” presenting a woman so hopelessly in love that she will never leave her lover, no matter how long she endures being second place to the committed relationship he is in.
A song can range from seconds to more than 10 minutes, but every song, no matter the length, tells a story through its lyrics, instruments, and/or vocals. In Ballad Breakdown, our writers dissect your favorite songs to display the intricacy and care put into every seemingly minuscule aspect.
Written By Sydney Meier
Illustrated by Krista McLeod
Fiona Apple’s 1999 album When the Pawn… is an assortment of intense vocals and instrumentals that present the conflicting thoughts of a woman entangled in a toxic situation. One stance gives in to her emotional reactions while the other punishes her for losing control because she knows the outcome. Apple continually addresses a “you” throughout the album, but “you” is not necessarily the same person every time. “Paper Bag” presents a woman disappointed by her desperation for a man whom she knows is too immature to handle her. Meanwhile “Fast as You Can” dares the public to keep pushing her because they assume she has already shown the extremities of her emotions. When the Pawn… is not about isolated incidents with one partner, but Apple’s numerous experiences with those who disappoint or underestimate her. However, the one constant throughout the album is a woman's perspective and her ranging emotions that wage war in her head and those around her.
When the Pawn… closes with “I Know,” a song from the perspective of a woman in an affair with a married man. The song's instrumentals are an amalgamation of bluesy piano, snare drum, and string instruments set to an adagio tempo. The vocals continue the melancholic theme with calming and intense vibrato, representing the shaky brokenness of a woman coming to a saddening realization. This combination of vocals and production ties the music of “I Know” and When the Pawn… together in a bow of the depressing reality of being second place and having your personhood misinterpreted.
Although these stylistic choices contribute to the aura of “I Know,” the lyrics are the star of the show. The song is sung from the perspective of “the other woman” who knows her and accepts her place because she would rather be in second place for eternity than without him. As we are introduced to our protagonist she states, “So be it, I’m your crowbar / If that's what I am so far.” Apple uses metaphors throughout the song, but the crowbar metaphor and the performance metaphor we see later on are the most impactful towards the story she creates. A crowbar pries open nailed wooden crates, doors, or boards. In this instance, our protagonist is the crowbar creating an opening for air and light away from his marriage. In these small instances he chooses to spend with her, even if it is his method of escapism, she is able to feel special and loved even if it is conditional. Therefore, she will remain his crowbar, as long as she is able to keep these special moments.
Our protagonist has accepted her fate as his mistress; singing in a wavering vibrato, “And you can use my skin to bury secrets in… And at my own suggestion / I will ask no questions.” She is presenting her entire existence to her lover as a way to unburden himself from his infidelity. He comes to her covered in guilt and shame, but she takes him in and washes him of his sin. She prevents herself from asking any questions about his marriage because she knows he will no longer see her as an escape, but as a reminder of his disloyalty. She knows her role, and will happily play it as long as she can see a future where he leaves his wife and she can finally become his one and only.
Finishing out the third verse of “I Know” is our second metaphor, comparing her lover's lies to a theatrical performance, “And when the crowd becomes your burden / And you've early closed your curtains / I'll wait by the backstage door.” The protagonist has to watch from the sidelines as her lover is putting on a show, trying desperately to hide his affair. His relationship with our protagonist is trapped in the normalcy of life with only one escape route. When the guilt becomes too much to bear, it will leave him with one option — to leave his wife. He knows his patient lover’s loyalty keeps her in the background with open arms to comfort him in his saddened state. However, this is not the true reality of our main character’s situation, but another scenario she has built to prove her undying love for the married man.
Apple’s vocals creep louder at the beginning of the last verse: “And if it gets too late / For me to wait for you to find you love me.” Her crescendo conveys an increasingly impatient woman who is vexed with her partner for not leaving his wife, or at least confessing his unconditional love for her. Immediately after Apple’s vocal climax comes the cadence that finishes out the song: “It's okay / Don't need to say it.” The conclusion of “I Know” leads the audience to believe Apple will finish with an “I know” after the last line because every chorus in the song ends with Apple reciting the phrase. However, the instruments halt completely for a few seconds before waltzing back for an outro, denying the listener’s anticipations and leaving Apple’s audience with an unsatisfactory resolution. There are multiple interpretations of this ambiguous ending; one being a reflection of the lyrics. She doesn’t need to repeat it and neither does he because as the song’s title implies, she knows. This anomaly also indicates our protagonist’s doubts about the relationship and its inevitable end. She no longer knows whether her partner will continue to choose her in these small moments. The audience is left with the same uncertainty as Apple’s protagonist.
“I Know” is an honest portrayal of a woman with no sense of worth participating in an affair with the belief that it is what she deserves. A person riddled with self-esteem issues can try their hardest to escape a toxic relationship, but their desperation to be loved is much more potent than the tiny voice in their head that knows it will hurt in the end. All they are left with is the choice of permanent, depressing loneliness or temporary moments of conditional love, so the latter seems like the better option in their eyes.
This article was added to Ballad Breakdown after its publication, upon the creation of the Ballad Breakdown series.