Ballad Breakdown: Unconditional Love Anchors Itself Through Gathering Insects in "The Bug Collector"
“The Bug Collector” is an agonizing display of what it means to love someone for everything they are. Heynderickx holds a mirror up to her listeners and forces them to realize how they value their loved ones.
A song can range from seconds to more than 10 minutes, but every song, no matter the length, tells a story through its lyrics, instruments, and/or vocals. In Ballad Breakdown, our writers dissect your favorite songs to display the intricacy and care put into every seemingly minuscule aspect.
Written by Sydney Meier
Illustrated by Joy Boykin
Indie folk singer Haley Heynderickx debuted her first and only album, I Need to Start a Garden, in 2018. The LP is a reflective examination of the significant relationships within her life of self-imposed solitude. At times, I Need to Start a Garden portrays this sense of loneliness through a sorrowful layering of aggressive guitar strumming, stagnant piano notes, and steady percussion, such as in “Show You a Body” and “Oom Sha La La.” In contrast, this isolation is similarly illustrated through the strumming of a sole acoustic or electric guitar in songs like “No Face.” In many moments throughout the album, she references gardening and simplistic elements of nature as an allusion to the endless forward march of time. This analogy is incredibly prominent within the second song on the debut album, “The Bug Collector,” as the listener observes Heynderickx’s daily commitment to her mentally ailing partner with a tranquil acoustic melody humming in the background.
One of the most compelling aspects of “The Bug Collector” is its transfixing lyrics. The ballad begins as Heynderickx notices “There’s a centipede / Naked in your bedroom / Oh and you swear to God / The fucker’s out to get you.” The song introduces the listener to the dynamics within her relationship as Heynderickx cares for her partner who is experiencing common symptoms – visual hallucinations and paranoia – of post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD). She laments, “Cause I must make you the perfect morning / I try my best / To scoop the slugger out the window.” Heynderickx puts forth the physical effort, backing up her verbal commitment to be by her partner’s side through the unknown. Although her efforts might seem in vain, she does these things for them, not in hopes of curing their symptoms but rather to mitigate the aftermath of these episodes.
Bug-induced paranoia ensues when, once again, Heynderickx observes “A praying mantis / Prancing on your bathtub.” While her partner “Swear[s] it’s a priest / From a past life out to getcha.” In literature, a praying mantis typically symbolizes courage and persistence as well as prayer and religion, making this seemingly meaningless choice especially symbolic. Heynderickx employs this symbol to display fortitude and endurance within herself and her partner as they deal with the mental impact of her partner’s religious trauma, connecting the symbolic praying mantis in every aspect. Repeating a chorus with sentiments similar to the aforementioned one, Heynderickx tearfully affirms, “And I digress / 'Cause I must make you the perfect evening / I try my best / To put the priest inside a jam jar.” There is almost no consistency in her partner’s day-to-day life, so Heynderickx tries her best to provide a daily human-based simplicity.
The concluding version of the repeated verse and chorus is not a goodbye but rather a promised continuation of her devotion to her partner exactly as they are. For the third and final time, Heynderickx spots “A millipede / Angry on your carpet / Oh and I must admit / He's staring with a vengeance.” Subconsciously, she affirms her partner's psychosis by admitting there might possibly be something sinister to the millipede, offering empathy and understanding where she usually does not . She feels a burgeoning hope to provide her partner with a sense of normalcy and trust in what they see or feel, rather than having to shoot down their perceptions.
Haley Heynderickx’s shaped vocals, or embouchure, in “The Bug Collector” allow the listener a window into what she is feeling while she lovingly sings to her partner. Throughout the song, her vocals make it seem as though she is presently reminiscing on events happening right in front of her — as if she is watching herself outside of her body. Heynderickx’s vocal embouchure is what makes this song so heartbreaking because listeners hear the evolution of emotions as the events of the song progress. This technique is perhaps the most obvious in the last chorus of the song wherein she fondly assures, “Oh and I digress / 'Cause I must make you the perfect morning / And I try my best / To prove that nothing's out to get you.” She is so optimistic about her future that she cannot control a smile from forming on her lips. When solely looking at the lyrics of “The Bug Collector,” someone might be inclined to believe that this song is from a defeated or exhausted perspective; but with the addition of smile-fueled vocals, Heynderickxs turns a supposedly melancholy song into a loving declaration of dedication.
“The Bug Collector” is completed by Heynderickx’s wistfully simplistic acoustic backing. There are other instrumental aspects — including soft horns and maracas — that develop the somber serene atmosphere, but the repetitive walk-down of the guitar strumming is what originates the sonic atmosphere. Without the playful trickling of Heynderickx’s fingers down the neck of her guitar, “The Bug Collector” would not be its sweetly-nostalgic self. The replication of the rustic riff throughout the song allows the listener insight into the repetition within her relationship. However, this repetition is not negative or distressingly stagnant; it's a reminder — to Heyderickx and the audience — of why she continues to physically and mentally tend to her partner.
The overarching unconditional love between the two makes her decision to stay easy. Heynderickx constantly reassures her partner that their hallucinations are just hallucinations — and that innocent bugs on the floor are not past-life enemies reincarnated. Her sentiments are never sung with sadness or defeat, but with sanguinity and joy. If listeners want to go through an introspective journey of what it means to truly unconditionally love another person, then “The Bug Collector” is the song to do it.