To All The Songs I’ve (Pretended) To Love Before

Whether you’re trying to impress a new crush or simply don’t have the heart to tell your significant other you hate their music, we all have a tendency to embellish our music tastes when it comes to romance. 

Written by the Afterglow Editorial Staff
Photo courtesy of AV Club

We’ve all done it — maybe you want to show off to your record snob crush who has an encyclopedic knowledge of ‘70s rock. Maybe you gave a nonchalant compliment about the King Princess song she played in the car, and now it’s on every playlist. Maybe Death Grips is his absolute favorite artist, and it’s a whole lot easier to just say Mmhmm, yeah babe, this song is great! than to get in a dumb debate. 

This Valentine’s Day, we’re reflecting on all the times we’ve, ahem, exaggerated our music taste for a crush or partner. To all the people who have ever shared a Spotify song to your Instagram story so that special someone notices what great taste you have — this one’s for you. 

“Miss Missing You” - Fall Out Boy 

Don’t get me wrong — I was definitely an emo kid growing up. I still listen to Panic! At the Disco way more than I probably should at 21. But when Fall Out Boy came back in 2013 from a four-year hiatus, I was in my emo prime. I was initially so blinded by excitement that I refused to accept that a lot of their music on their reunion record, Save Rock & Roll, was, to put it delicately, far from their best work. 

Flash-forward to a few months later, when I met my now-ex-girlfriend at a Fall Out Boy show and didn’t have the heart to tell her I’d already grown tired of listening to the record entirely. Because we couldn’t see each other very often (I couldn’t drive and wasn’t out to my parents), we made “Miss Missing You” one of “our songs,” and I played it whenever I missed her. When we inevitably broke up, as messy as it was, I at least could breathe a sigh of relief that I wouldn’t have to act like most post-hiatus Fall Out Boy music was anything more than background noise.  — Minnah Zaheer

“Layla” - Eric Clapton

As soon as the bell rang for eighth period, I became a boy-crazed high-school girl on a mission. I’d walk into my English class, grab a Chromebook from our class cart (you know what I’m talking about), and get to work. Right when my crush would arrive to class and sit behind me, I would plug my earbuds into my laptop and pull up a video of Eric Clapton performing on Youtube in hopes that my dad-rock enthusiast crush would look over my shoulder and notice. Just a simple “I’m-not-like-other-girls” girl passing the time before the teacher began her lesson. 

To be fair, I absolutely adore Eric Clapton, but let’s be real: I’m the same girl who scared the man sitting next to me at a Lady Gaga concert by screaming way too passionately. My strategy actually did work one day, but it never turned into anything fruitful. Oh well — he probably wouldn’t have appreciated the critically acclaimed ARTPOP. — Delaney Davis

“Lazy Eye” - Silversun Pickups

Imagine: You’re driving around with your crush in his pre-owned Subaru Forester. He only listens to shoegaze and thinks you hate pop music. You’re going to his house to watch a Quentin Tarantino movie that he will try to explain to you the entire time. He really likes Silversun Pickups, so you learned “Lazy Eye” on the guitar to impress him. You tell him you’d like to play it for him, and he says, “That's nice, but I really prefer their deep cuts.” — Kasey Clarke

“Thank You For The Music” - ABBA 

Self-described as a sapiosexual, my memories of my “high school sweetheart’ are anything but. Out of all the mediocre boys I could have picked, I happened to find the one journal writing, satchel wearing, finger drumming boy who rode the line between helpless romantic and Ernest Hemingway enthusiast. From idealizing “The Last of the Mohicans” to romanticizing our founding fathers (don’t even get me started), his eccentricities were one too many for this realist. I dated an old soul; a film critic who happened to only have opinions about “Animal House;” a downright music snob. It came to the point where I opposed all the music he played just for the sheer fact that he liked it. Though I writhe every time I remember him saying he had me figured out, I guess he was right about ABBA. — Samantha Paradiso 

“Little Bird” - Ed Sheeran 

You know that moment in every high school relationship when you’re in your significant other’s car, it’s raining, they pull into a random parking lot and kiss you while music plays in the background. Then they pause, turn up the volume, and start singing along while looking at you and holding your hand, and it’s all romantic? The parking lot was at a CVS, the guy was my high school boyfriend, and the song in question was “Little Bird” by Ed Sheeran. But the script doesn’t mention what to do for the 3 minutes and 49 seconds this serenade is happening, especially if you’re so not on the same wavelength as the guy — not to mention, you don’t even particularly like that song. 

Honestly, I was never an Ed Sheeran fan, but still, I went along with that being “our song” through the course of the relationship since he liked it so much. Now, I’d be surprised if I even remember the lyrics to anything more than the chorus. — Catalina Pozos

“What Makes You Beautiful” - One Direction

In my youth, I played what some might call The Most Dangerous Game. No, I’m not talking about being stranded on an island and hunted by rich people, but rather the similar precariousness of choosing when to reveal my love for One Direction to a potential paramour. It is, of course, a delicate process, and one that wasn’t made easier by my insecure 13-year-old self-consciousness about my boyband and pop music love. (This all occurred before 2015 when Carly Rae Jepsen’s E•MO•TION literally rewired the circuits in my brain and made me the pop girl I am today.) 

But also — how do you break it to your crush that if one day your mom sold you to One Direction, you wouldn’t spare them another passing thought? It’s a perplexing question, and frankly, one I struggled with answering. But, if anything, I was just fooling myself over my ability to keep my obsession on the down low; I submit for your consideration my upcoming memoir on my childhood, “The Girl with the One Direction Biology Notebook.” — Annie Lyons